I Can Help You

I am so glad you're here!  Not only have I litigated hundreds of divorce and contested custody matters, but I have been through a high-conflict divorce myself, and am currently navigating the choppy waters of co-parenting.  I get it...this sh*t is hard, and the uncertainty about your future is disconcerting.  To top it off, you’re at an emotional low.  Your ex has sucked the life out of you and depleted your self worth.  I have been there.  The bad bitch sitting here typing this paragraph is not the woman I was eight years ago.  I was broken and empty.  I felt alone and rejected.  And then one day I decided to move myself up on the emotional scale from despair to hope.  

Hope seems like a positive emotion, but it’s really not because you’re acknowledging that you’re not where to be.  But I was a speeding train going in the wrong direction, and I knew that I couldn’t immediately reverse course and begin speeding in the right direction.  So I slowed the momentum, and bit by bit, I started creeping in the right direction.  The answers that I had been desperately grasping for started coming to me.  I was still in a relationship that brought me lower than I could have ever imagined, but I had built enough strength to leave.

My third time filing for divorce stuck because this time I was determined.  The first two times, I believed the lies.  I succumbed to the love bombing and thought things would change.  This is so hard to admit, but my last effort to save my marriage was a plea with my husband to just be kind.  I was willing to give up, but only wanted to not be the subject of cruel insults and jabs.  It’s amazing that I was actually willing to live like that.  But my husband couldn’t even do that.  So I left, and this time, I did it secretly.  I borrowed some money and put a deposit down on a little apartment that would be good enough for my two girls and I.  And one day, I told him I was leaving.  

My first night in my new apartment, all I had was an air mattress and some clothes.  No television, no couch, no table.  But I was the happiest I had been in years.  I had left my dream home to move into an empty two bedroom/one bath apartment, in a questionable part of town, but it was peaceful.  No one there was criticizing me, or putting me down, or pushing on my deepest insecurities.  My girls and I were on the way.

Throughout the next few years, I finalized my divorce, started dating again, and moved into a home that was small, but perfect.  I began the healing process and was navigating my new role as a co-parent. I made so many mistakes that I had advised against.  There are many things I wish I had done differently to make my life and co-parenting relationship smoother.   

In addition to my personal life, my professional life has primed me to help others.  I have been practicing law for 15 years, and during that time I’ve represented hundreds of people in divorce and custody disputes.  I’ve represented several other attorneys and even judges.  

I'm also an appointed arbitrator which is a judge who is appointed to preside over certain types of cases.  I’m a court-appointed mediator--a neutral third party to help people resolve disputes amicably--and I’m a parenting coordinator--someone who works with high-conflict co-parents resolve disputes and communicate.

On top of that, I'm a child of divorced parents.  I was nine years old when my parents split up.  So I have experienced what you're going through from literally every angle.  

The most interesting thing is that even after litigating hundreds of divorces, I learned so much going through it myself.  When I went through my divorce, my kids were little: ages two and four.  As things have changed, and as circumstances that I would have never predicted arose, I can see so many things that I would have done differently in my divorce.  Perspective really is everything!  It is my goal to help you avoid some of the pitfalls I've been through.  My legal knowledge and experience has given me insight into so many different possibilities.  

Not sure where to start?  I can help you identify whether you are even ready to initiate a divorce or custody dispute, and if you are, help you prepare so that you get started off on the right foot.

Feel frustrated with the confusing and fast-paced legal system?  I can help to break it down so that you can set realistic goals and achieve them sooner (and with far less expense).

Feel like you keep replenishing your retainer but it doesn’t seem like anything is getting done?  I can help you communicate efficiently with your attorney to maximize your legal fees, and I can help you set a legal budget and stick to it.

Feel like your case will never end?  I can help to identify blocks, and work with you to propose solutions.

Is your ex acting out in ways that you don't know how to deal with?  I have been there.  I have seen it from the outside and I have dealt with it on the inside.  I see how bad behaviors play out in court.  Some of them work, and some of them backfire.  

I will help you write emails and texts, and teach you how to respond so you not only stay in the court’s good graces, but also train the narcissist that their former bullying and harassing ways won’t work anymore.

I can help demystify the threats that are being hurled at you.  I can guarantee that most of them are empty threats, but they're still causing you sleepless nights.  It doesn't have to be this way!  Stop wasting your energy on empty threats.  

I’m a simple text message away to give you guidance, support, and talk you off of the ledge if you need it.

Unlike an attorney, I'm not here to do legal work for you (like drafting court briefs, discovery documents, and pleadings).  Unlike a therapist, I'm not here to help you dig up and process past trauma.  Read more about the difference between attorneys, therapists, and coaches here.  But I can fill in the gaps.

I am here to do the following:

Identify where you are - the moment you get into the legal arena, you are usually at your weakest.  But you need to be in the headspace to make logical and reasoned decisions that will impact you for years and decades in the future.  I can help you build the proper foundation to fight smarter, not harder.  To preserve your energy and start to heal.

I will help you develop realistic goals - your impression of the legal system is probably tainted by other people's misinformation, TV magic, and baseless threats from your ex.  Let me help you clear all of that clutter so that you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, and set achievable goals along the way.

I will save you thousands of dollars.  Read that again!  This is a time to invest in yourself.  In a divorce or custody dispute, there are certain things that must be memorialized in writing.  Things like, do you share joint physical custody, or does one parent have primary physical custody?  What is the visitation schedule? Who will claim the child(ren) on federal income taxes?  Who will maintain health insurance for the children?  But the key to a peaceful future is to go above and beyond what is required.

I will help you identify things that need to be addressed in the parenting agreement or decree of divorce to avoid fighting and drama later.  This one is huge, and this is where my own divorce experience comes in.  There are so many things I wish I had done differently, and my loss is your gain.  Think about it...by the time I went through my divorce, I had helped hundreds of others through theirs.  But I was divorcing a narcissist.  There were special considerations that I didn't know about and as my kids are getting older and circumstances are changing, I'm having to renegotiate certain things.  Trying to reach an agreement with a narcissist is like trying to push a car uphill.  The best way to handle this is to avoid it all together.  

Beyond that, I will help you set up your future so you never have to hear the four worst words ever uttered, “see you in court.”  While I will help you anticipate most issues that will arise, I can’t anticipate everything--Covid taught us that.  For those unforeseeable issues, I will help you develop a dispute resolution process that will keep you out of court and save you thousands.  

Imagine a life where your controlling ex no longer has power over you.  Imagine a life where the insults that are hurled at you slide off of you like teflon.  Imagine attracting someone who is a true partner; who fills your cup more than he empties it.  Imagine raising your children with certainty and poise, and not making knee-jerk emotional reactions.  Let me show you how.

Click here to learn more about my coaching programs that include unlimited texting and video calls.

Click here to take my master course, Co-Parenting With a Narcissist.