Communal Narcissist


  • Over the top, charming, extroverted, vain, attention seeking. 
  • They high self esteem and satisfaction with their lives despite the pain they cause others. 
  • In love, they seek power by game-playing. 
  • While many maintain relationships, they are often characterized by a lack of intimacy and unhappiness in their partners. 
  • In a divorce action, this person takes advantage of the many abilities to play games. 
  • They're outgoing like a grandiose narcissist, but instead of wanting to be seen as the smartest and most powerful, a communal narcissist wants to be seen as the most generous and helpful. 
  • They value warmth, agreeableness, and relatedness.

Troubles with a Communal Narcissist

  • They are relying on their ability to frighten, intimidate, and exhaust you during a divorce or custody dispute.
  • They feed off of the conflict that they cause you, so they never run out of steam.
  • They view compromise as a failure.
  • When you begin to take care of your needs during a divorce or custody dispute, this person takes special offense by you not just agreeing to whatever they want. 
  • Most hypocritical of all types. 
  • They appear to be cooperative, but they're actually motivated by their own self interest just as much as a grandiose narcissist.

      • Document EVERYTHING! There is an art to keeping and preserving proper documentation that will help you in court.
      • The narcissist wants to trigger you to make you look crazy, and then use your "craziness" against you in court.
      • Identify your triggers so you can learn to not respond and give the narcissist his supply.
      • Be brutally honest. Narcissists hate honesty, but it's time to stop protecting their alter ego.
      • Set boundaries, and stick to them no matter what.
      • The narcissist will never be accountable for his actions. So you need to establish automatic accountability to the courts in your parenting plan.
      • Reduce communication as much as possible. This can also be done prospectively in the paperwork.
      • For the times that you do need to communicate, create an atmosphere with complete transparency. If the narcissist knows that other eyes and ears have access to your communications, he will be less likely to engage in his usual aggressive bullying tactics.


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